So I Missed 1 Day-- It'll happen again I'm sure

But it's because I went to Neverland Ranch with some coworkers! Whoops! I mean Everland. It's like Disneyland but forever?

There's even a zoo with a seal show. Also I saw 2 bears attempting to make a 3rd bear. I'll try and acquire a picture from a friend if 5 people comment on this post. Especially you, that person in Singapore who keeps reading my blog... who are you!?

If you are a native English speaker you can be employed as an English teacher. If you are Russian (I think) you can be parade eye-candy at Everland.

1 Photo a Day aka The Hardest Thing I've Ever Done

Here's 3, so there ya go. Captions too!

Last Weekend I went to the Hi Seoul Festival and saw some of the craziest junk ever. Almost impossible to describe except that in this photo all these people are hanging from a crane. Everything else at this festival was lackluster and the ticket system left something to be admired. Either way, I saw people flying/hanging from/hamster wheeling from a giant construction crane.

Totally sci-fi apartments being built next to the Seoul "Forest" park. I want to live there with my robot roommate.

You've heard of rally caps? What if instead it were shopping bags that are handed out by the team's employees. Bad for the environment, great for team spirit!

p.s. I've started writing some pieces for NERDTREK.com and you should go check it out. :)

U-238 Millimeters of uRAINium

Despite those who might think this audacious and awe-inspiring author down and out of the blog game, he’s back. He’s back like a warm spring after a cold winter, he’s back like the prodigal son, he’s back like the phoenix — reborn anew into this humble excuse for a blog. Also back are the exciting, egotistical, egomaniacal intros that have so made him famous in the realm of unintended Google search results. So pack your sunscreen, grab a drink, a snack, and please remember that the author in no way guarantees that you will like even half this crap, but his mom and dad read it so he does it anyhow. You of course read it not out of any kind of boredom but because you probably know that this is your one stop shop for tales of excitement and intrigue, more titillating and tantalizing than tartar sauce. Ready?

So, yes, I’m a lazy sonofagun, but come on. I’m back in the land of the morning calm and it’s awesome. And by awesome I mean slightly more exciting that sitting on my butt at my mom’s house during the cold, dead months of a Washington winter with all three cats and two dogs staring at me. Not to say those happy hours with high school buddies, seeing my family, and hiking were so bad.

I have no idea whereabouts I should start but probably the tsunami? So, as you probably heard, there was quite the earthquake and resulting tsunami over in Japan (no we didn’t feel a thing). However, last week-ish it was raining and I’m informed by the girlfriend (oh yeah, I have one of those officially now by the way) that I should bring an umbrella due to nuclear rain. Now, I’ve heard of acid rain, but nuclear rain?? If you pay attention to the news you can probably piece together that the fall out filled showers are due to the damaged nuclear power plant in Japan, damaged by the tsunami. I wish I could say I have three lungs now, or that my sixth toe fell off, or of course that I had spidey powers but I did get to leave work 30 minutes early. I’m not sure how leaving work early and radioactive rain drops affect one another but I don’t question time off. So that’s my story about how I learned to stop worrying and love the rain. Is it because it could affect our precious bodily fluids?

This year I work for a medium sized hagwon down in Gwangjin-gu. I’m very close to the Han River which is a huge bonus. I’m also very close to the aforementioned girlfriend-- also a good deal. Other junk you wanna know: I went to an island off the coast of Incheon this last weekend with the twice aforementioned girlfriend and some Korean friends, I’ve had pork intestines twice, more sushi than you can shake a fish stick at, and I’ve been to two baseball games (both of which my teams lost) however, I might go to one after work tomorrow and if you are in Korea reading this, call, text, email and meet me in Jamsil by 6:30.

Other stuff happened too. I’ll get to it, calm down. You’re worse than my students. Seriously, I’ll get to it. I’ll give you a sticker if you stop asking about it for just 10 minutes. Awesome. 

2 More Weeks Until Seoul

Finally, something worth posting about on this neglected and long-forgotten blog: The author is going back to the land of live octopus lunches and cheap haircuts! That's right, he's returning like a long over-due library book. What's a library? Moving on... After almost six months of sitting on his butt, perfecting the art of doing okay at Starcraft 2, walking the dogs, going to the gym, and drinking copious amounts of delicious, finely crafted American beer, he in fact, is going back (feel free to send beer). This year the loquacious language instructor will be tucked away in a corner of Gwangjin-gu, Seoul somwhere over near the Han River making millions of Won every month.

Fun Fact #1: My cousin, Geoff, was just in Cairo studying Arabic-- as of the end of the month, he'll be in Seoul actually.  Not sure why Cairo didn't work out...

Fun Fact #2: I miss kimchi something bad.

Anyway, here are some more photos from my trip around Thailand, Philippines and Hawaii:

Poker in Cebu City/Mandaue, Philippines. Derren (left side) had the table made. Pretty sweet.

Sunset at Boracay, Philippines.

Maui.

Crater on Mt. Haleakala, Maui (or was it Mars...).

Spices in Thailand.

Bangkok Airport, Thailand.

Chiang Mai, Thailand.

Magellan's Cross, Mandaue Philippines. He really put it there-- then he died of a spear to the body.

3 Months or so Since My Last Post

If you really want to know about Thailand, the Philippines or Maui then come find me. Let's have a beer and I'll tell you some wild stories. Other than that I don't really want to delve into that right now. You should know that Diana and I had a great time in Thailand, I was never robbed once the whole trip except by taxis drivers and their ilk, and ate awesome things. I'll throw some photos on after this post.

Next item on the agenda AND the most important. I AM TRYING TO GO BACK TO KOREA. I use all caps to definitely get your attention if you are reading this. One, I need a job. Does anyone know any good leads? Anyone have something maybe in March that is open?

I am ready to go back but I have a small PROBLEM: I am waiting for the delightful FBI to get my my clean background check back to me so then I can have another government agency put apostille stamps on it (like a notarization) and then be FULLY eligible for another position in Korea. So if anyone at the FBI reads this or anyone who is familiar with the process, do you know what's up? It says up to 4 months but that has to be a joke. But then again I've been waiting for several months now and am learning that I hope its the truth because I'm beginning to suspect a dog ate it and I'll never get it back.

So if you know about those two things please hit me up at: sidebyrnes@gmail.com PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.

Now some photos:

Penang Curry Me in the Kuala Lumpur (Malaysia) Airport

Old temple in Chiang Mai, Thailand

Cooking class with Diana in Chiang Mai, Thailand

Riding Elephants in Chiang Mai, Thailand

Pineapple Crab Curry, our favorite, in Phuket, Thailand.

Diana enjoying a Thai ice tea in Phuket, Thailand.

On the ferry into Ko Phi Phi, Thailand.

Catfish soup, extra spicy, Bangkok, Thailand.

My couch surfing hosts who didn't sell my organs, Derren and Anna, Cebu City, Philippines.

Chicken blood and chicken intestine bbq in Mandaue, Philippines.

Balut (look it up), Mandaue Philippines.

Awesome poker playing Pinoys + Derren and me in Mandaue, Philippines.

Fire dancing in Boracay, Philippines.

Sunset in Boracay, Philippines.

Adobo in Boracay, Philippines.

Island hopping in Boracay, Philippines.

Me having more balut with the local massage girls.

Ken flying through a bamboo forest on Maui, Hawaii.

Me posing in Maui, Hawaii.

Sunrise on Mount Haleakala, Maui, Hawaii.

And now it's like you were there too.

1 Country Down 2 to Go

The egotistical, egomaniacal author of awesomeness has certainly taken his damn time getting around to the readable writing of this entry and maybe his last while on the peninsula of Korea. He has had a hell of a time here and you his avid reader (or maybe you just google searched something dirty and got this blog) have had the obvious pleasure of living vicariously through him.

 Secrets, untold stories, and many opinions have probably been kept from you and will only be unkept if you buy the thirsty author a liquid libation or two upon his triumphant return. Or does he really have any? Maybe he just wants a free beer or two (a beer that isn’t the color yellow).

Yes, I am returning to the picturesque Puget Sound, even though this place has been mighty kind to me, and who knows, I may come back—and not just for the kimchi. The terrific teacher also learned things. Simple things, such as rice is awesome, or beer shouldn’t be yellow and I am capable of eating a creature that’s still alive (which I did again the other day).  Other things like a baseball game can be called even before the first pitch has been thrown or just about any animal or vegetable is actually quite consumable. 

One thing that I never got into was many of the more trying experiences of being an immigrant (however temporary) to this country and now I’d like to think that I understand the experiences of my friends back home just a little more. It’s not an easy thing living in a country that isn’t your own and which you have so little in common at first. I’ve seen firsthand here that it’s not for everyone.

Anywhom, I am leaving Monday for Bangkok via a layover in Kuala Lumpur where I will meet up with the legendary Diana Sundermeyer of the WWU Rec Center Pool. Me and Sundermunder will spend a few hours in the Bangkok airport wearing shirts that are not the color red because one, we’re no longer lifeguards and two, well, there’s that minor “Red Shirt” thing in Thailand. Then to Chiang Mai in the north, then Phuket in the southeast and that’s where I part ways with Sunderwunder who flies back to the US to return to her normal life of huffing chlorine fumes. Then I have another week by myself in Thailand to basically stay out of trouble and apply and REapply sunscreen to my (after Jeju) humbled skin.  I plan on eating grotesque amounts of phad thai, phad see ew, and host of different curries. It’s gonna be yummy.

Once I find my way back to Bangkok I fly to Manila only to then jump to the city of Cebu on the island of the same name. There I will drink San Miguels for $1 a piece and try my hand at couch surfing for the first time-- just trying to trust the world a little more. After a week there I will head to the island of story: Boracay.  Once there, there will be more $1 San Miguels complimented by chicken adobo, lumpia, and mangoes. Oh the mangoes! This man goes for mangoes! Haha.

Then I will rescue some razor blade wielding roosters from their gladiatorial lives and be on my way out of the shark infested waters of the Philippine archipelago. From Manila I will cross the gynormous Pacific and arrive in Maui to visit a high school friend, one Mr. Ken Sandin. Yes, that’s the only reason. Really, it’s a good enough reason, right? Okay, so I’m looking forward to Hawaii too.

After a week there I will find myself back amongst the tall trees and well-watered mountains of my home town. Let’s just hope all of this works out the way I say it’s going to.

Keep reading, I’ll try and update from the road.

대니 (Danny)

P.S. I'm going to miss my students so much. Aren't they adorable?